Vexen's ramble
by Arxaith
Summary: Well, this is Vexen's next to last thoughts. You'll learn just how insane the man is when you read this. Hints of MarVex and VexAku.


_Okay...In case none of you knew this, my friends and I all have split personalities. We've had them our whole lives and have recently discovered that they seem to act like Kingdom Hearts characters. I have five: Zexion, Demyx, Vexen, Namine, and Axel. I mostly act like Zexion. Anyway, all of them wanted to write a ramble about whatever and this is Vexen's. Enjoy! Please review!!!_

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My name is Vexen. I don't have a last name. I don't have a family or anything. I was never born. Technically, I don't exist at all. It's always intrigued me on how that's possible, because I'm here. I can see others and they can see me. But I know it's true. We're all just shadows of our former selves. Overcome by darkness, nothing left but empty shells. I digress.

I hardly remember…my past life is what you'd call it I guess. Anything from when I was younger anyway. The last week of my life was very stressful. We were all working our asses off on a machine that would open the door to darkness and lead to the heart of all worlds. Access to that kind of energy source…power that would make us all stronger, possibly even cheat death.

Something went wrong. We all ended up dying, losing half of our humanity and our sanity. We weren't welcome in the light anymore, and the dark rejected us. We were forced to live in the twilight in-between.

For the longest time, it was just the six of us…the ones who eternally screwed up and shouldn't have even built that machine in the first place. Others showed up to the castle we had decided to call home. Well, we found them wandering…lost and confused as we had been.

The point is, six became thirteen. An organization of thirteen people who were all empty shells and desperately wanted to regain the thing they had lost…their heart. Living so long without one…you forget what it was like to have feelings and emotions…be truly alive. We went along with the mission anyway, keeping what memories we had of being alive. Existing.

I need to get to the present. It's been at least five years since I lost my heart. Six of us were assigned to our new headquarters, Castle Oblivion. The plan was to lure the current Keyblade bearer here. Apparently, we needed assistance with collecting hearts for our copied Kingdom Hearts. Though I thought we were doing fine. Just goes to show, you can never please Xemnas. So, Sora is here…climbing higher in the castle, losing more and more of his precious memories. What Marluxia is planning to do with the boy is beyond me.

Marluxia. I can't explain it, and it would take years of research to even come close, but I…remember emotions and feelings more than ever when I'm around him. It's almost like I never lost my heart, ridiculous as that sounds. He makes my breath hitch in my throat every time he talks to me. And when he touches me…god, I feel a spark I haven't felt since I was a Somebody, instead of an empty shell.

I hope I make him 'feel' the same. He acts like there's something there, that's for sure. He'll catch me alone in the hall and pin me against the wall. His mouth invades mine and I swear, I could die from happiness…memory of happiness? I don't even know anymore. I can't even began to describe the array of feelings I have when we're alone at night. What he says, the way he touches me, the way he moves against me…god.

I don't know but, something's different about him lately. I see him and he barely says hello to me. Either that or just smirks at me. He's been in the basements more than usual and I wonder what he's doing. I've been sleeping alone at night. I hate to admit it, but I miss him.

But, now that I think about it, everyone is acting strange. Lexaeus acts so pissed off. I swear, he could kill you with his gaze. Zexion is extremely jumpy for some reason. And he's been limping a lot lately. That could mean one of two things and personally, I don't want to know. Larxene always has her issues but she's been quiet lately…actually silent. As disrespectful and loud mouth as she usually is, it's quite shocking. I know what Axel's problem is. He's separated from his little blonde whore and it's killing him. He's been limping this week too. And he doesn't remember why, thank Kingdom Hearts. I got burned enough that one night.

I was lonely…pissed off. Marluxia hadn't touched, or even talked to me in a week. I wanted to fuck something. See blood running. I needed to cut something or I would lose my mind. Any idiot would ask why Axel. I hate him and he hates me. Simple. He…intrigues me. He would rip my throat out if he knew the real reason I wanted him so badly. He's…beautiful. I love his eyes. I want to cut them out and put them on my wall so I can always look at them.

His blood is what's really beautiful. I strapped him to that table and cut his chest open. He was screaming and burning the hell out of me, but I just cooled my skin. I started fucking him and he stopped screaming, just glaring at me, making the table so hot, I could barely kneel on it. I finished with third degree burns and poured a mind erasing serum down his throat before letting him go.

That happened three days ago. Marluxia still hasn't talked to me. I'm starting to think they've all turned against me. They're plotting my destruction, I just know it. That's why no one will say a word to me…afraid I'll figure out their plan and turn the tables on them. I've tried, but my replica won't listen to me anymore. Namine keeps screwing with his head. My precious creation. Took me weeks to develop and now he's running around on his own free will. It will be his downfall.

Sora knows too much. I'll admit, that's my fault but I figured if I couldn't stop the others, a warrior of light could. Granted, I have no idea what's going on, but I know it's something! They want me to go insane. They keep saying my experiments are all failures, that I'm losing my mind from half baked ideas. Well, we'll see who has the last laugh. We'll see who comes out on top, blood-soaked and laughing hysterically. They think I'm crazy? They don't know the meaning! I'll destroy Sora and then they'll see who the crazy ones are. They'll all respect me again. They don't know what's coming.

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_**A/N Please review!!**_


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